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This is a totally unsolicited review of Flap Slap. I wrote it exclusively for you. Trust me on this one. Flap Slap has completely surpassed our expectations.
Do you take your pet to a vet?
1.) A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your duck Cuddles has passed away."The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.."How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.The vet looked at the woman Flap Slap and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$250!" she exclaimed. "$250 just to tell me my duck is dead?"The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry, but if you had taken my word for it, the bill would have been $40. Now, with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's $250."2.) A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. “You know what?” says the 6 year old. “I think it’s about time we started cussing.” The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.” The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.” WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His Mom locks him in his room and shouts,”You can stay there until I let you out!” She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?” “I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your sweet ass it won’t be Cheerios.”3.) A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.OK, follow me, he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him tongues hanging out for blood."Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked. "YES, YES, YES!!!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy."Good!" said the first bat, "Because I *******didn't"BONUS: Do you know what happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
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December 15th, 2010 at 8:58 pm
I figured it was something like that. To be sure, ABC, CNN, CBS, NBC and moveon.org are all trying to track this guy down and put him on the air. They may just get what they deserve if they do.
December 16th, 2010 at 8:51 am
This poem exposes the obscene power of a “mob” in a rage. In such a situation the blame and guilt is shared, so the violence can be deadly. The lad watching was too young to be caught up in the mob emotion. He is horrified by the sheer violence and unfair treatment of the victim. He does NOT share the blame so he can write of this event which most would claim they never saw, even though they were part of the mob.It is a powerful poem.
December 16th, 2010 at 9:42 pm
Writing skills you do have! I love your imagery and the way you keep from cluttering up the the descriptions. That is a hard balance to grasp for new writers. I look forward to seeing more of your work, let me know where to look.As per your query, this is a bit lengthy for a prologue, not long enough for a chapter. I think you are trying to get too much in this small of format. Your style will sell it’s self if you focus on the story.
December 17th, 2010 at 8:44 am
okay, first of all, she only 3. she’s a child. but the problem is not with her. you spank her? that’s crazy. sounds like a child and an adult need the time out chair. and yes, it works. i am a teacher and have dealt with some tough cases. sometimes the kids and the parents need a talking to. the important thing when dealing with a 3 year old is: FOLLOW THROUGH!!!
December 17th, 2010 at 8:54 pm
i didnt read your description of thoughts, but if you truly feel you have OCD then see a psychologist about it. they will generally provide you with medication and talk therapy. sounds like you really do need to get help.
December 18th, 2010 at 9:03 am
masturbate when you have to pee it feels AWESOME like a strong sensation better than a normal orgasm
December 18th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
i am thoroughly terrified
December 19th, 2010 at 9:22 am
It sounds like aspergers to me. There are a few things you could do to help his behaviour. For example, introducing a transition board which has what you’re going to do that day. Having a routine for a child with aspergers/autism is really important as they get really upset and tend to lash out if they don’t know what they are supposed to be doing. Try to talk or read books to him about the kind of behaviour that’s appropriate when you go out and offer him with whatever he likes (in this case ,sweets) if he behaved well at the supermarket. However cutting down the sweets should help, a sugar load isn’t good with any child let alone one with behavioural difficulties! I know a gluten free diet is helpful for children with autism, but not sure about the other end of the spectrum, but always worth a go.Try talking to a special educational needs coordinator at your nursery or the local primary school. If they don’t have one then I’m sure they could put you in touch with someone who could help you!Do try to get help, it’ll be much better when you have him diagnosed so you are able to know how to deal with his behaviour and gain more support.Hope that helps!
December 19th, 2010 at 9:19 pm
Be patient. You’re on the right track. I think that all you need is time. It sounds like the bird is feeling threatened, and/or sexually frustrated. This may be protective (self-defense) behavior learned after living in a household with small childen. Or, if you are in North America…it’s spring. Longer daylight hours triggers sexual hormone production – and sexual frustration in mature birds. One thing you may want to consider is covering his cage at night, and making sure he has about 12 hours of uninterupted sleep. Birds need a good night’s sleep. It really helps with their behavior. In addition, keeping them on “winter” hours helps to keep the hormone levels low.Since you’ve only had him a few days, don’t expect his diet to change overnight. That will also take time, and encouragement from you. Eat the foods right in front of him so he knows what it is. Along with the peas, carrots and corn, try finely diced romaine lettuce, parsley and raw sweet potatoes. You can also make bouquets out of parsley, cilantro, mustard & turnip greens, brocolli, romaine, etc. Tie them with twisties, and hang on the cage wall next to a perch. As for the feathers…damage like that is often caused by the cage, or cage accessories. Lightweight cages with small gauge, closely spaced wire is inappropriate for cockatiels. If the bird is, or was in a cage with wire spacing that is less than 1/2″ – I would bet that’s the cause. ****Don’t give up hope. I have several cockatiels who came from severe neglect. Some were very aggressive. Luckily, cockatiels are one of the most forgiving birds. Just give him lots of love and patience. He’ll come around.Best wishes to both of you:)
December 20th, 2010 at 9:38 am
get her tested but sounds like the kid is just a spoiled brat. brats have no regard for anyone else (not listening, upset when not getting their way, hurting animals) which gives the illusion of being retarded. kids develop lisps when ther parents/family speak to them in ‘baby talk’. get tested and if shes normal discipline that stupid kid because spoiled brats grow up to be the most moronic pieces of crap who make those people who are actually retarded look like einsteins in comparison
December 20th, 2010 at 9:42 pm
lights in the alleytags the taggersdowntownrebelsthe bikiesrebels of the city/city rebelsdusty citydustbin citybus/city shelterDiary of a Teenage RebelThe Slightly Strange Life of a Teenage RebelI think if you’re struggling with a name just pick it with a theme, word or person that keeps on occuring, and maybe add other words to the main part. Eg. could fit Georgie, city or rebels into the title somehow.
December 21st, 2010 at 9:09 am
Yes!The tag titles are ours!!
December 21st, 2010 at 8:53 pm
hahahahahaha….you wish
December 22nd, 2010 at 9:34 am
lmaoooo maybe you can start by NOT slapping your fanny in his face?=)edit: lol, well if you’re not into that it’s best to just tell them to never do it again, then just forgive && forget. =) revenge makes everything worse. he’d probably thought you’d be turned on by it.lmaooo but are you really being serious, honey, did this REALLY happen? lol =) if it did, just talk to him && apologize && say the only reason you did that was because you’d thought it’d be a funny thing to do to get back at him for cvmming all over your face. o-O haha.
December 22nd, 2010 at 9:15 pm
Dude are you trying to kill me from laughing.You say it loud jake.
December 23rd, 2010 at 9:41 am
12 years old ? Wow !
December 23rd, 2010 at 9:31 pm
I have no clue how any Hillary supporters still justify her actions and lies. Also, she has lied since the beginning of her “path to the presidency.”1. Bosnia – she was on a peacekeeping mission and the video shows her receiving flowers from a little girl. NO SNIPERS2. NAFTA – Hillary says in her campaign: “I’ve long been a critic of the shortcomings on NAFTA.” From newly released records, however, we learn that Clinton was a chief supporter of the trade agreement. 3. Experience – As first lady, there’s her claim that her leadership helped pass the Family Medical Leave Act. Her website still says, “As First Lady, she helped pass the Family and Medical Leave Act.”4. Peace in Northern Ireland – Hillary claims responsibility for bringing peace to N. Ireland. Absolute nonsense. She made a blessing at a park for peace. 5. She ran in the MI and FL primaries, which violated party rules.6. Hillary was the first to ever bring up race in the first place 7. From the beginning, Clinton has been using a smear campaign against Obama. Part of the reason this fires me up so much is because I have yet to hear a Hillary supporter listen to anything but her website. Maybe that is why she carries the majority of uneducated Americans, they are ignorant clearly.